Introducing: The I'm Not Stayin' On This Farm Report
Which Mets' Prospects are Killin' it?
If you’re into movies or pop culture, then you probably watched the 97th Academy Awards on Sunday night. I’ve been working on a new segment for The Rally Towel and now seems like the perfect time to introduce…The I’m Not Stayin’ On This Farm Report.
The I’m Not Stayin’ On This Farm Report is inspired by Ti West’s 2022 entry into the X trilogy, Pearl. In this bi-monthly segment, we’ll discuss the Mets’ prospect that has been absolutely killing it down on the farm.
If you’re unfamiliar with this trio of horror films, I’ll do my best to catch you up without being too spoilery. The X trilogy1 revolves around two characters, Maxine Minx and Pearl, who both desperately seek fame. My current favorite scream queen, Mia Goth, portrays both of these characters in a kind of effed-up Austin Powers or Nutty Professor kinda way.
The movie Pearl focuses on the titular character and her psychopathic aspirations for Hollywood stardom. This movie really doesn’t have anything to do with baseball or baseball prospects; I promise (sort of) that this will make sense (maybe) in another paragraph or two.
As Pearl becomes more and more desperate for anything or anyone to whisk her away from her oppressive family, she starts murdering people and feeding them to an alligator she affectionately named Theda.
Once Pearl’s projectionist lover realizes he’s dealing with an absolute maniac, and she realizes he will not be taking her away from the farm to a Hollywood fairytale ending, she sticks him with a pitchfork2 while screaming “I’m not stayin’ on this farm!”
Just like Pearl, the Mets’ prospects are all trying to escape the farm (system). After some savvy trading the last few seasons, our minor league affiliate teams are stocked with young talent. Last year, we saw several prospects contribute at the big league level to varying degrees of success. We also saw a few young players take a step back due to injury or trouble adjusting to the big leagues.
Obviously, last year Mark Vientos slugged his way out of AAA and made a huge impact at the major league level. He made it off the farm and has the makings of the Mets’ next homegrown star.
With this many talented farmhands, it’s only a matter of time before one of them makes a break for stardom. Will Brandon Sproat slice his way through batters? Will Brett Baty bash his way to the top? Will Luis-Angel Acuna display devilish defense? Check in with The I’m Not Stayin’ On This Farm Report twice a month to see who will make it off the farm next!
I love these movies and highly recommend them, but they’re insanely graphic and not for the squeamish.
This character is played by Philadelphia native David Corenswet. David is a huge Eagles fan, so it’s safe to assume he is also a Phillies fan. I am absolutely not advocating for the pitchforking of Philly sports fans, but this certainly adds a layer of dark humor to the whole analogy I’m building here.